28.05.2019

A Joke

A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?”

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes.”

A few hours later the blond came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already??” the startled husband asked. “Yes,” the blond replied, “and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

“Thank you,” the blond said, “And by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

 

Lipstick on a PigLIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

22.04.2019

Why Do Dogs Belonging To Rolls-Royce Owners Bite Me?

It started with a Rolls-Royce Corniche, I was demonstrating to the owner how to use lambswool over carpets and I did not notice their little terrier on the front passenger seat. Next thing I know, there’s a dog hanging off one of my fingers and me dancing around the front garden after it let go. The owner of the car and the dog said very little. The next day, he phoned me to apologize for his wife’s lack of compassion explaining that they had previously lived in Texas, and they were certain that I would immediately hire a lawyer to sue them like everybody in Dallas does.

A second Rolls-Royce dog was a rescue dog, I was getting on fine patting the animal while sitting in the living room taking a small libation when suddenly my left hand was on its way down the dog’s throat. Blood was coming from a wound on my hand, I dash to the sink to wash it, I’m telling the couple that own the dog about my experience, they tell me about the other people he has bitten with not a care in the world. Now to be fair to Rolls-Royce owners, I had a big black poodle (owned by a BMW 3.0 owner) have a go at my knee cap, my trousers saved me from damage.

My most recent experience was with a custom motorbike owner’s dog who inflicted enough damage for me to go to a walk-in clinic. That experience left me “dog shy” for a while.

 

Lipstick on a PigLIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

22.04.2019

1952 MG TD

1952 MG TD

FOR SALE: 1952 MG TD

Drive it as far as you want, comes with service history. More information on the listing page.

 



 

18.03.2019

1974 Jaguar E-Type Roadster V12

1974 Jaguar E-Type Roadster V12<

FOR SALE: 1974 Jaguar E-Type Roadster V12

Drive this car anywhere! More information on the listing page.

 



 

18.03.2019

Why Keep Records for your Car, Bike or Truck?

I was just going through my service records for my daily driver and my summer toy. I’m also involved in selling several classic vehicles at the moment that have undergone extensive restoration but no one kept records. One vehicle is a one owner unit, but the owner never told his family where the records were kept. Luckily, the two most recent service facilities he used are still in business and were able to print out the work orders. The original selling dealer threw all their records out 6 years ago when they moved location and started with a whole new software regime. When selling a special classic car at a normal price, prospective buyers know that they are buying the care and attention lavished on it by the previous owner(s). If no records are available, it’s natural that they will question the quality of the vehicle.

When going through the records for a car, look for long periods of inactivity. Inactive cars are like inactive people, they don’t fair well. Throw every bill and work order in a file folder, there’s a good chance they will be valuable one day.

Keep them in a safe place, not in the glove box!

 

Lipstick on a PigLIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.