A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?”

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes.”

A few hours later the blond came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already??” the startled husband asked. “Yes,” the blond replied, “and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

“Thank you,” the blond said, “And by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

It started with a Rolls-Royce Corniche, I was demonstrating to the owner how to use lambswool over carpets and I did not notice their little terrier on the front passenger seat. Next thing I know, there’s a dog hanging off one of my fingers and me dancing around the front garden after it let go. The owner of the car and the dog said very little. The next day, he phoned me to apologize for his wife’s lack of compassion explaining that they had previously lived in Texas, and they were certain that I would immediately hire a lawyer to sue them like everybody in Dallas does.

A second Rolls-Royce dog was a rescue dog, I was getting on fine patting the animal while sitting in the living room taking a small libation when suddenly my left hand was on its way down the dog’s throat. Blood was coming from a wound on my hand, I dash to the sink to wash it, I’m telling the couple that own the dog about my experience, they tell me about the other people he has bitten with not a care in the world. Now to be fair to Rolls-Royce owners, I had a big black poodle (owned by a BMW 3.0 owner) have a go at my knee cap, my trousers saved me from damage.

My most recent experience was with a custom motorbike owner’s dog who inflicted enough damage for me to go to a walk-in clinic. That experience left me “dog shy” for a while.

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

I was just going through my service records for my daily driver and my summer toy. I’m also involved in selling several classic vehicles at the moment that have undergone extensive restoration but no one kept records. One vehicle is a one owner unit, but the owner never told his family where the records were kept. Luckily, the two most recent service facilities he used are still in business and were able to print out the work orders. The original selling dealer threw all their records out 6 years ago when they moved location and started with a whole new software regime. When selling a special classic car at a normal price, prospective buyers know that they are buying the care and attention lavished on it by the previous owner(s). If no records are available, it’s natural that they will question the quality of the vehicle.

When going through the records for a car, look for long periods of inactivity. Inactive cars are like inactive people, they don’t fair well. Throw every bill and work order in a file folder, there’s a good chance they will be valuable one day.

Keep them in a safe place, not in the glove box!

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

Telling your insurance company the true nature of your collector classic by employing an appraisal is a very good precaution for when things go wrong. The craziest things happen to cars. They go up in flames, they get damaged by floods.

I had a client who had a highly modified modern classic car. His insurance agent had not requested an appraisal and the car had no specific value on the policy. The owner of the car had spent $125,000 total on the vehicle. There was a midsummer storm which caused widespread flooding and, in his case, his garage was situated under the house and the car ended up in 2 feet of water. The insurance adjuster explained that the insurance company would make no effort to restore the vehicle because the wiring system and engine management computer had been underwater. The car itself appeared “as new”.

The insurance company appraiser came along and explained that you could spend a fortune on one of these cars and still not make it any more valuable than the base unit. My research indicated that there were cars in the U.S. that were restored and modified in a similar manner that were selling for twice the amount that the insurance company was offering.

The end result was that the insurance company paid the client the amount I had indicated and he kept the car salvage for free. He was able to sell the salvage to the vehicle’s restorers, which allowed him to recoup all the money that he had invested in the vehicle.

Another precautionary tale involved a gentleman who went to New Jersey to buy a brand new Japanese car that had been flooded on the dock after it had been unloaded from the shipping vessel. When he got it back home, he discovered that purchasing the computer modules was going to cost him more than the vehicle was worth, and because the car was so new, there were no used modules in any wrecking yards. He was paranoid because he had never explained the situation to his wife, yet.

The moral of this tale is that a simple car appraisal is a very powerful tool in case the unexpected happens. A small investment now can protect you from huge losses. Contact us for a professional appraisal you can count on.

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

I often get to meet the widow who has been left the cars. Some widows have a hard time letting go of their deceased husbands cars and they need help with the process of moving them to a new home. Some cars stay in their garage so long we have to drag them out with a tow truck. I wonder if it would help the widow if the husband left a will for the disbursement of the cars?

I once had a client who sold his car to a dealer friend because he didn’t want his two sons fighting over it. Guess what? When the children saw the car for sale, they came in and bought it to share it.

Sometimes I’m the one explaining that the treasured classic that the husband has boasted about for years, is not the pristine wonder that they have been led to believe. I just had a client who asked me for my assurance that when he went, his daughter could call me and get help to sell it. He was unusual in that he wants it to receive a full paint restoration so he can enjoy it even more in the time left. Many people I meet mention that they want to leave their car to their sons but it’s said at such an age that they have no idea if their son will want it.

Of course the one that takes the cake is the lady who complained to me that the City of Brampton wouldn’t allow her husband to be buried in his Corvette. I guess you have to know if your wishes are realistic!

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

The vehicle was a very desirable 1969 Mustang model and listed on ‘American Listed.’ The owner was working overseas for a world wide major commercial brand. She was a real person with a high profile career, visible on the internet. As she didn’t have time to meet a potential buyer, the car was being stored with a storage facility in Washington State.

An interested buyer could send the $60K USD asking price to the storage company and then you can go and inspect the car. At this point you’d have 7 days to decide whether to buy it. If you don’t buy, you’d get your money back.

That was the story, anyway.

The reality was that thieves had completely assumed her identity and the car was a complete fabrication designed to perpetrate this crime. The storage company was non-existent and was used to make the buyer’s money disappear.

When the lady was contacted, she explained that her identity has been falsely used for the last 3 years in the scam.

This story highlights the importance in working with an experienced, trusted professional to handle your classic car transaction (buying or selling). We have ‘seen it all’ and know all the scams to watch out for and act on your behalf to protect your funds and classic car investment.

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

When you advertise on Kijiji or similar sites, one expects occasional bad mannered responses — this is a mild one.

As we all know, the Internet gives some people the chance to vent. When selling a classic vehicle, expect to hear from this sort of person.

As experienced professionals, Bramhall Classic Auto is prepared for these people and we insulate you and your vehicle from them. These people are mostly just an annoyance and an unpleasant part of doing business. Other responders may have more nefarious intentions.

Furthermore, we do take great care to qualify potential buyers so that as few people as possible get to see the vehicle being sold. This protects your vehicle as well as the transaction from one of the many potential pitfalls that can be experienced while selling your classic car.

Update: The vehicle cited by this Kijiji keyboard warrior has recently sold to a qualified buyer at a fair price in a smooth transaction brokered by Bramhall Classic Auto.

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

One of the biggest myths in the classic car world is that “rare cars are valuable.”

Here are some of the rules:

A rare car is worth nothing if no one wants it (see many rare cars that went out of production from 1900-WWII).

1960s Mustangs were made in large numbers, demand for all models remains very high.

Ultra rare editions are more valuable, special dealer editions often attract little extra value.

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

A number of years ago I received a call about a Rolls-Royce Phantom V advertised on my website. A Phantom V is the model that HRH The Queen used for years for public parades. In her case it often had a glass roof for better visibility, this one was a normal limousine. They wanted to buy it for their father-in-law. A price was finalized and the car was delivered. My salesman went to get the cheque from the intended user, it turned out he was 92 yrs old and wanted it so he could sit in the rear and have his breakfast served in it. He had previously had one but had sold it to the Middle East and regretted it.

Who buys these cars now? Who will buy them in 2060 when they are around 100 yrs old? Will there always be an exemption for “Classic Cars” when all normal cars are running on electricity or hydrogen? Will gas stations disappear like phone booths have? Will there be Safari Parks where you will take your gas powered car and drive it around for a couple of hours and have an exhaust recycling pipe fitted that stops the CO2 from escaping?

When I’m asked what a “classic car” is, I always say “a car built before 1975”. Is this valid anymore? Maybe any car or bike that is over 15 yrs old that is NOT a daily driver qualifies. We will see, if we are around to see!

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.

When the media write articles and do interviews in regards the investment aspect of classic cars, I find myself shouting at the TV. When I’m with a client and they ask me what I think the next great classic car investment is, I normally tell them a story about the last classic car recession or the one about the Honda S600.

I was at a house in Brampton and I was doing an MOT appraisal report for tax purposes. The car in question was a Honda S600 convertible sports car that was very much down in the dumps, body-wise, so bad it had to be carried around on a trailer. To say it needed restoration was only the beginning. After doing my report, I asked him what he wanted for the car, he said he wanted $2,700.00, an amount I thought was at least one thousand too much. I didn’t think again about the car until I read an article about the S600 involving Jay Leno. Now that Jay Leno had anointed this little car among the pantheon of collector vehicles, it was suddenly hot with a capital H. There are some universal truths about collector vehicles:

1) Never buy a 4 door car unless it is one of the Major Marques;
2) Think about demographics, is this car I’m about to buy an old man’s car?;
3) Taking into consideration 1 & 2, buying a convertible is always better;
4) Have a pre-purchase inspection done by someone who recognizes corrosion and the signs of the repair of previous corrosion;
5) If the service and restoration history isn’t available, think long and hard.

Back to the myth of investment, when there are so many aspects of classic car ownership that are hard to control, it’s hard to believe that investment and classic car ownership deserve to be in the same sentence.
 

LIPSTICK ON A PIG
Avoiding Life’s Lemons

Lipstick on a Pig features excerpts from the vast library of Maurice Bramhall’s experiences.